How this journey began...
For years, friends or new acquaintances would ask me how I met my wife (at the time my girlfriend, then fiancée) or how we seemed to make our relationship work. People would ask her the same things. Since many people felt that what I shared with them was extremely insightful and helpful, I decided to share more. I had kept a kind of loose journal of what I was thinking and doing when I met her, what we have done since getting together, and how we continue to deal with the craziness when things get intense.
My wife likes to call the process, "discovering love, being in love, and maintaining love."
I call it LoveRules.
That’s the brief summary.
interested in knowing more? read on…
I have some unconventional perspectives and approaches that help to make relationships work and that shed light on love and the relationship changes people are finding in this modern, shifting world. Love is a multidimensional phenomenon, despite the limited viewpoints emphasized in print and on-screen day-to-day.
Dare I say, Love is cosmic. It is about the connected, rippling effects of our shared experiences and interactions, through culture, and all aspects of our world. It is both carnal and divine.
In terms of experience, I have crashed and burned in the field of emotions as much as the next person, but still stand here encouraging everyone to try, and fly again. All of what I share has been battle tested during more than 20 years of various relationship experience, including marriage, journeying to the brink of marriage collapse, and coming back. To be clear, for me the conversation isn't so much about the institution of marriage but rather matrimony, the union of long term relationships.
Talking It Through
My words will often present the blog through the lens of a straight, married man (that’s me), which has limitations of its own. I try to be thoughtfully inclusive in this conversation as the “definitions” or workings of love need to be universal. The term “definitions” is a tricky one. Although definitions provide foundations to construct upon, the constraints of definitions are often the problem. In referring to love's definitions, you might find me using the words "definition” or “rules” to mean ideas, methods, and principles.
The methods of love and loving mentioned on this site have worked for me. But even these are just signposts indicating the way. If you use them, the intention is that you will see your own thread of understanding innervating your life and relationships. You and yours will formulate your own definitions and rules, (ideas, methods, principles) based on your needs. You will have your own journey.
Expanding The Scope
When facilitating, I find it interesting that often my clients talk to me about their careers. They don’t so much want career advice, as much as they have a desire to share their experiences to encourage others to do loving work. They envision “dream jobs” in lines of work they have come to “love”, or they want to use the set of skills they “love” that are strong and effective. The intention is that in doing what they love they can create not just potentially more money, but more meaning, more self-worth, more time, more personal and interpersonal growth, more self-love, more shared love. That sounds reminiscent of an ideal relationship, doesn’t it?
So, let's not keep the conversation restricted purely to romantic love but open to the idea of a Universal Love. The questions about love often expand out to perceptions about love’s role in society, and its realistic possibilities for expression in the world. If you learn to practice firm expressions of love in everyday life, do you think you’ll have an easier time having love in your life? Of course you would.
Hey, everything is possible. But the conversation begins with the individual and his/her internal perspective of love, and the interactional experiences within personal relationships. It all starts there. As reliable as it has been, I don’t depend upon my experience alone. I have also researched and studied the experiences of others who have found and created empowering relationships to see what practices work, and to show there is a method to navigating through life with love. So, make room for more.