Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Your #1 Most Valued Trait in a Relationship

While preparing to take a business trip out west, a friend of mine decided to ask his girlfriend along, and surprise her with an engagement ring.  He took her to one of the National Parks.  In that park is a mountain called Angel's Peak.  He told me it's one of the most beautiful places he's ever seen.

"Man! That's amazing," I said.  You wanted to take your angel to Angel's Peak and  share the most beautiful place you've been with most beautiful person in your life.

"Well, not really," he said.  "This mountain has been here thousands of years, and will most likely still be here long after we're gone.  I wanted to propose to her in a place that represented "Permanence."

I thought that was one of the greatest things I'd ever heard!  Let's look at a mountain.  It represents ideas like strength, protection, reliability.  These aren't qualities my friend picked up recently.  He's been practicing them a while.  When we were young, his parents split up.  As a result he had moved around the country a couple of times.  I've had other friends who've moved away and we've never stayed in touch.  But he has maintained contact with all his friends all the while, no matter where they are.  And he's always willing to help, when you need him.  He wanted to create examples of permanence in his life.

Everyone is looking for permanence, right?  It can be tough in a society that has a short-term, disposable attitude toward everything.  But my friend, despite challenges, is saying, "I'm here.  I ain't going anywhere."  He can say that because he's worked at it.  And because he's worked at it, he knows what he's looking for.  It took a little time for him to find it, but it was worth it.  It can take us all a little time to find what we're looking for.  It's okay, though, because it gives us time to practice.  And that's fantastic!

LIfe gives all of us a bunch of challenges.  We can let the hardships break us, or we can summon the qualities that help us adapt, be stronger, and even change the cycle of our lives.  For my friend, that meant imparting some of the permanence he desired.

What does this mean for you?  What are some qualities you value in a relationship?  Could you name 3 of them; or maybe there's one you're working on the most, and wouldn't mind sharing in the comment section below.  Go ahead.  Claim it.

Make room for more.