Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Filtering by Tag: relationships

LoveRules on Madame Noire's "Ask A Black Man"

Yours truly was selected to be on Madame Noire's new season of Ask A Black Man!  The series will begin next week, Monday, April 13th.  I'll be in Episode 1, so tune in early!

Here's the trailer below, but if you want to see even more of what Madame Noire has to offer, click here and follow along in your social media of choice.

Want to know how men feel about love & relationships? Fatherhood and more? We have answers! VISIT OUR SITE: http://bit.ly/KK8Af7 Ask a Black Man is back with even more men and more real responses on everything from what they were taught about manhood to what they want to teach you in bed.


This Is Risky Business

In yesterday's post I made a statement about the "risk" that society characterizes Love to be.   Like any subject, we find mixed messages in the national conversation.  On one hand there are the traditional institutions like religion and family, even friends, saying it's essential to do.  "Go fall in love; get married."  That's the side that the guilt trip comes from if you are having challenges in your love life.

At the same time you have economics dictating your actions too.  Certainly living with someone can help reduce costs, but what about all the costs associated with broken relationships.  Costs of residence change, possible shared debt, dividing belongings, dividing friends, and also, perhaps, what it will take to support children, if any were had.  Add to that the lost time.  Hey, time is money.

In yesterday's post I said,

"I've made risks for money, and have lost money.  I have made risks with false pride and lost friendships.  I have made risks for conditional "it-needs-to-be-done-this-way-to-work" kind of love and subsequently experienced MAJOR heartache and loss.  I have made risks for lust and, eh, you win some you lose some.  Be careful.  But my risks in Love have delivered nothing but huge payoffs.  Working toward a union of ideas and practices which make the relationship feel full, yet selfless, has been worthwhile in spite of the the scary and unfamiliar experiences that came with it."

EVERYTHING is risky when you don't know what you're doing.  It stays that way until you learn how things work.  And, even then, you'll still learn new lessons.  But when you learn, at least you minimize the risks.  And that's all we can ask for.  I took a risk with my life just by getting out of bed this morning.  Folks who are good with money, tend to gain it, not lose it.  The same is the case with love, even though it is seen as an emotional practice,  rather than a logical one.  The more practice you get handling emotional challenges, the more likely you can manage all the crazy quirks of a love life.  So, on this blog, I hope to share some things that maybe inspire you to go take some risks with love.

Like money, love doesn't grow if you do nothing.  Right now, if you are in a relationship with someone, let them know they've been worth the risk.  If they haven't, then have a good talk - maybe 'ultratalk.'  And if you're not in a relationship, I recommend stretching out and making some more good friends.  Good friends are absolutely invaluable.

PARADOX Review: Ma'at and the Victory Run

Welcome to the PARADOX Review Webisode #1 - [LoveRules segment]

My guest this episode is Ma'at Petrova of The Refinement Group. We sit down after her vigorous weekly, open, psychophysical fitness training session, The Victory Run, in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.  We talk about love, personal growth and transformation, sex, and naked yoga!  Don't ask, just watch.  And fellas, she makes a series of comments starting at 16:47 that I'm sure will get a reaction out of you or at least stir your thoughts.  Check it out, and make room for more!

The Love Interviews

LoveRules.us in conjunction with acclaimed choreographer Nathan Trice’s Strange Love, will be hosting a series of in-depth, personal, and soul baring interviews designed to create a conversation about love.  Specifically, we seek to identify what couples have found to be the attracting and unifying elements of love, and how to navigate the confusing, messy, or confounding challenges of being in love.  We anticipate that the results of this conversation will inform and encourage people toward "Discovering Love, Being in Love, and Maintaining Love.” By October 31st, 2011, we are looking for 8-9 couples of all types to participate in a 1-hour interview and potentially a small group discussion. The couples can be:

  • peer relationships
  • "traditional" couples
  • "non-traditional" couples

We would also like to have a varied representation of relationship length:

  • short-term = 6 months to 6 years (pre-7-year itch)
  • intermediate term = 6-15 years
  • long-term = 15+ years

The Love Interviews are open to everyone. For this series, there will be no additional qualifying criteria regarding age, nationality, gender, faith, whether previously divorced, or with children.

If you and your partner, or a couple you know, would like to participate, please REPLY HERE with your name and contact information so we can provide you with more information.  Selected couples will receive contributing credits in LoveRules.us and Nathan Trice's Strange Love, as well as tickets to see Strange Love, live!

"Thanks" from LoveRules.us

LoveRules on The Table of Truth! Check it NOW!

Hey Everyone ! I am pleased to announce that the good fellas over at award nominated podcast The Table of Truth have released the second show in their 30+ Series.  It's called Dating Like An Adult, and yours truly is a featured guest.  Known for their comedic, entertaining, and candid style, there is nothing these guys don't discuss, but we take it to the next level in an interesting young men's discussion where I join Anslem Samuel of award-winning blog Naked With Socks On, Cameron "Cam", Pope, Duane, and Anthony "Ant" in a journey through the transformational phases of dating like an adult.  Is laughing and learning at the same time possible?  You bet.  Enjoy!

[tell me how you liked the show & it's content with a reply]

Dating Like An Adult - click to hear podcast

 

[Note: The conversation evolves, getting deeper in each 30 min section.  The breaks occur at 30:21 and 59:21.  But hear the whole show, don't miss a beat!]

LoveRules on The Table of Truth... coming soon!

Let me take this moment to thank The Table of Truth [TOT] for inviting me and LoveRules to be a guest on their weblog award nominated podcast.  The Table of Truth is an entertaining and eye-opening, candid, fly-on-the-wall show exposing the lives of young men in the perspective of four 30-something creative professionals named Pope, Cameron, Duane, and Anthony.  Their podcast answers the question many women curiously and quietly discuss amongst their friends:  What do guys casually think or talk about when we are not around? The fellas of Table of Truth dare to put all topics on display and create a conversation, all the while being themselves.  You can expect to hear me on the show within a couple of weeks.  Don't worry, believe me, I'll be the first to send you a reminder when the show broadcasts. While I'm at it, greetings to Anslem Samuel of weblog award-winning Naked With Socks On [NWSO] - a fellow guest sharing some insight on the upcoming podcast.  [Again, congrats, Anslem!]  Sorry folks, further information about the "congrats" will only be revealed in the upcoming show, so stay tuned!

Not EVER to be forgotten, thanks to Betsy Ice, [web pen name for memoir author & noted travel writer] the cool lady with the warm heart, who saw an opportunity for some good guys to get together and share some real talk, which will get some laughs and broaden the perspective of anyone tuning in to The Table of Truth in the following weeks.

Make room for more.

Let's Get Love Started

In the last few years, we have moved from war to war, and economy to economy. As our little world seems to have transitioned into a very new and strange present day with more people feeling uncertain about the future, people have increasingly began to prioritize what is most meaningful in their lives.  At the top of the list, creating good relationships which can become longterm relationships, are what folks are looking for.  At the same time, as I look from blog to blog, advertisement to advertisement, it seems more than ever that people are very interested in what is superficial.  By superficial I mean the material possessions that make us feel comfortable or the cosmetic qualities that turn us on... little finishing touches that make us look shiny and desirable.  And that's cool. Who doesn't want to be comfortable or look desirable?

The lessons and tips shared often range from what to do during dating, how to tell if someone is "into you," how to send signals to let someone know that you are "into them," all the step-by-step mechanics of dating or finding a partner.  While these pointers and practices are helpful [and pervasive] they don't always seem to get to the root of what individuals are looking for in terms of love and relationships.  It occurred to me we could be clearer in first addressing what people fundamentally want and that is:  Why are we pursuing love at all?  It's a HUGE question with HUGE answers.  I asked around and here are just a couple answers I got:

  • "For companionship through life."
  • "To rear a family."
  • "To have someone bear witness to your life, and you to theirs."  [I love that one]
  • "To love and be loved in return."  [another goodie]

All great answers.  But without the right understanding of what we are looking for, couldn't we find ourselves barking up the wrong tree?  I remember years ago, I heard renowned educator Stephen Covey describe the social & political steps professionals would perform to climb the corporate ladder as "only to realize once they had reached their top, that they had put their ladder on the wrong building."  In other words, "What the hell?!  This is not what I was looking for!" Is that same scenario possible in relationships?  I can tell you... most definitely yes!  In fact, you might have experienced this yourself.

Again, learning the cosmetic dating mechanics to get into relationships can be helpful but that can't be all.  What is more essential than that?  What's at the root?  Where should we begin?  Well, any problem to be solved must always begin with the "givens."  And when we are running solo, the only constant, given factor is ourselves.

Many of us...  Shoot!  ALL OF US, at some point want something that we ourselves are not willing to make an even exchange for.  We want to buy fine items for less.  When it comes to food, we definitely have an instant gratification mentality, speed over substance/sustenance.  Often, we are not even willing to be the kind of person each day that we would want to be around.  Oh yeah!  You have to observe yourself to see it.  You might think you are most patient and kind until you begin to take note of how you react to various challenges from day-to-day.  Huh..?  My bad!  Is that just me?  No, it's not.  It's you, too.

You want someone kind?  Be kind.  You want someone fun?  Learn to have fun.  You want someone trustworthy in your life?  Learn to trust yourself, your intuition, that is. Take a moment and think about it, then holler back.  Make room for more.