Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Filtering by Tag: practices

9 Steps to Remarkable Success in Love - Part 3

[This is the final part of Remarkable Success in Love, a LoveRules reinterpretation of Jeff Haden's 9 Beliefs of Remarkably Successfully People from Inc.com.]

  1. Be Yourself - This step on the "9 Beliefs" article didn't really align with what I'm trying to say, so let me tweak it a bit.  If you find that you are always putting on an act when meeting people, stop a moment.  You want to be appreciated for who you are?  You want people to like you, for you?  There are many internet sites that can give you steps on how to be more likeable.  There are professional courses offered that do this as well.  "Ask questions to create conversation."  "Orient the conversation around the person you want to like you." It takes practice and can be worthwhile.  But if you want to be appreciated for yourself, after LoveRules #1, the next thing is to appreciate others.  Stop being judgemental of other people's quirks and idiosyncrasies.  Always having something superficially critical to say about others isn't cute.  Have a little more patience and be accepting of others and you'll find people more patient and accepting of you.  People will receive you, as you receive yourself and as you receive others.
  2. The Extra Mile - The extra mile is not how freaky you can get in bed.  Well... it could be.  And if it is, still, please add more depth to your game.  The extra mile is what you owe yourself, first.  How open will you allow yourself to be to possibility, to opportunity? Will you try again when you're a little depressed? Will you try again when you've written off Love? Will you allow yourself a little forgiveness?  These will allow you to go the extra mile for others.  Have an open ear when someone is apologizing for an honest mistake.  Be a real friend to someone you've only known a short time, even if the romance didn't work out.  To be thoughtful and creative about what might interest your partner instead of thinking only about yourself.  That's the extra mile.  All that adds up in making you more lovable, and you'll feel good too.  And that's attractive.  I'm just saying.

Simple enough, right?  I hope this helps stir some thoughts.  Perhaps these ideas were new to you, maybe you've heard them before.  But like I was saying, sometimes we know what to do to be successful, but can we consistently follow through our steps to see the results?  How strong are our beliefs?  How serious are we?

If you were able to have a life surrounded by things you are most attracted to, would you consider that success?  Most people say yes.  Is Love one of those things?

Make room for more.

9 Steps to Remarkable Success in Love - Part 1

I recently read an article about "success," written by Jeff Haden, Inc.com.  Don't get wrapped around that word just yet.  I'm not about to talk money or business.  Success is like beauty, it's in the eye of the beholder, a subjective matter.  Some hear the word and think of financial success, others envision their dream careers.  Every person defines success a little differently.  And by now you know I'm all about defining things differently.  Still, certain principles of action carry across all areas of life.  Welcome to the world of physical laws.

The same principles that create success in your favorite hobby or your career are similar to what I share on LoveRules.  Although some of my readers might think LoverRules is purely about romantic love, it's fundamentally about Love, at large.  Universal Love.  Love, the attractive force.  Let me ask you a question:

 

If you were able to have a life surrounded by the things you are most attracted to, would you consider that success?

 

For most, the answer is yes. Here is the article from Inc.com about success principles.  It's called 9 Beliefs of Remarkably Successful People.  Read it and come right back, it's quick.  No wait, read it later.  ;)

At first, I didn't like the title of that article, but actually it's good.  It inspired me to write a parallel LoveRules piece because two important questions are asked:

  1. What kind of life do you want... a remarkable one?
  2. It also asks you to consider what makes things remarkable... the strength of your beliefs.  What are your beliefs?

I find the limitations of a person's beliefs are a major obstacle to having Love in one's life, the way they want.  That's because we're conditioned to think it's a notion reserved for fantasy.  Yet, we want it in all its fairytale glory.  So as Lauren (my wife) says, how do we get over the fairy tales and just get the dream?

How would LoveRules reinterpret these same "9 Belief success" steps to create Love in your life? Let me go step by step:

  1. Time - First, establish honestly with yourself what you want, then commit to aligning yourself to those ideals in your off hours.  This is personal work, self-development. Are you for real?
  2. People - Tired of the party people and one night standers? Stop going to clubs.  Want someone who is focused on their career?  Spend less time with your gaming buddies and join a meet-up for professionals instead.  Like my friend Bassam Tarazi likes to say, "You'll lose friends along the way."  See Lesson # 18.

I'll stop there for now.  Thanks for reading.  Stay tuned Part 2 of this installment, coming shortly.