Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Filtering by Tag: love self-defined

Part 3. LoveRules #9 - Love, Self-Defined

Here we are with part 3 of LoveRules #9.  Have you found it funny that I haven't covered LoveRules #2-8 yet?  Remember, these aren't levels or steps, but more like principles and phases.  Besides, what the spirit or "trend" of the moment asks for, is what I share. So let's talk about how we define our loves.  What's important to us?  What does that important stuff look like, really?  Oh, but wait.  The trend was that everyone was talking about a certain woman celebrity, and being influenced by the abrupt ending of her ruse of a marriage.  It had everyone in knots, demanding marriage to prove to us that it is still worthwhile in 2011. While it created some good conversations about marriage, I think it's important to remember that we don't really know why this "celebrity" decided to get married in the first place. [On The Table of Truth Podcast, you might have heard me say, "marriage is what happens, it's not what you do." That's from LoveRules #7 - What is Love?  More on that later.]  Also, we don't know her definitions of love.  I can tell you this. She came to media prominence via sex tape.  Media stunt. Ruse. I'm not judging, but neither am I losing sleep over her actions.  I thought the following was the greatest quote I saw on Twitter last week:

"Kim K made a huge profit on her nuptials, then dumped the stock early and brought down the value of marriage. #occupykimkadashian."

Sad, but true.  But who knows? Maybe she is having a tough time shaping her definition of love, too. Or maybe she's just not ready for love, right now.  It's all good.  She's famous, but she's human.  If you know her, go ahead and share LoveRules with her.  She'll thank you.  ;)

To be continued...

LoveRules #9 - Love, Self-Defined. Part 2

LoveRules #9 is all about defining the love you seek. Today, we are continuing from Part 1. The love you want cannot be what others want.  It might have some things that are similar to others but YOUR love must be self-defined.  And if you have ever held any doubts that what you are looking for truly exists, then read on. The internet is an amazing tool.  As most of you might have long noticed, you can find just about any and everything online.  Discussions, answers, people, services, products. What is a turn-on for women, or men?  Why is the sky blue?  Where can I find a notary public? Have you ever heard of a green rabbit?  Where can I find a last-minute costume for a Halloween party?

So much information is on the internet already; and if it's not there yet, it will be posted up there very soon.  All of our current conditions and concerns get shared directly online now. But know this. While it helps us to be in touch with more people faster, the internet is not really connecting us. Rather, it is showing us we were connected all along.  I like to record instances that demonstrate how life is interconnected, that people are interconnected.  I like notating personal examples where life moved as I needed it to move, presented me with the solutions I was looking for.  I see that life is ordered.  Recording these things from day-to-day helps me not lose sight that anything is possible.  So here, like in Part One, I have another example illustrating how what we think or imagine about love's possibilities can be more than idle daydreaming or fantasy. It can be real.  Don't give up on the love you want for yourself.

Back to the internet.  Recently, I happened upon an interesting write-up by Robin Shamburg on Truthdig. She was reviewing a book about human desire and sexuality called "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam.  The book shares observations of data gathered from what people search for on the internet.  [Those who read my post "Was It Good For You?" should at least check out the article, if not the book.] But here was Robin's closing paragraph:

"Ultimately, Ogas and Gaddam’s ambitious and thought-provoking book delivers a message of hope. If there’s one thing their exhaustive research reveals, it is this: No matter who you are, slender or obese, young or old, there is a group of people out there who will find you attractive. All you have to do is go online. And for a person who is looking for instant gratification—no matter how exotic or debased—the news is just as good. For this, the authors cite what has become known as Internet Rule No. 34: If you can imagine it, it exists as Internet porn."

Looks like someone else is outlining some rules, too! But you get my point.  And shit, if it's online, it can also be found in real life, right?!  And obviously it doesn't have to be porn.

Are you going to wait around for the computer to show you everything about your own life?  Keep believing. Keep knowing.  If you can define it, you can find it.  Define the love you want!  Put some energy into it!  I have some more tips coming in the part 3 of LoveRules #9.

Make room for more.