Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Filtering by Tag: imagine

Part 3 Fin. LoveRules #9 - Love, Self-Defined

This is the last, somewhat delayed, part of LoveRules #9, for now...  ;o) (re-read the others if you need to...  found in the previous blog posts.)

Shoot for the ideal ! Some people call this "starting with the end in mind."  I realize "IDEAL" can be a tricky word. Here, I mean it in the sense of best case scenario.  Holding yourself, best as possible, to imagining a person who would meet your personal quality standard. This is not meant in the sense of absolute perfection, or in terms of flawless looks and gobs of cash. You can desire those things if you would like. But those ideals can be fleeting, temporal. I don't suggest focussing on them.  But rather, aim for the ideal in terms of your lifestyle (activities), your values, your ideals in terms of personal substance.

If you are a traveler, don't think you can't find someone just because up until now, you never felt long distance relationships could work. Life is short.  Change your mind.  Know there is someone out there who likes to travel, or, someone who understands people sometimes need to travel for work for significant amounts of time, and is okay with it. Perhaps it gives them personal time they don't mind having every now and again. This is a new world ready for people with courage and daring to create new relationship arrangements.  How creative can you get in the name of Love? There is at least one person, or two, out there for each of us. Someone who fits well with what we do, complements our life. Instead of looking for someone who seems money rich, set in mind that you desire a person who is industrious and business savvy.  You might find someone who is temporarily cash rich, with no fundamental idea how he or she acquired his or her wealth, later to lose that wealth. But desiring someone who is industrious and business savvy is a little more descriptive of a person's characteristic or substance.  Finding that person would be finding someone who, if parted from his or her wealth, would know how to acquire it again. Now isn't that real wealth?

Remember. Desire in another, that which you would desire and are willing to work for, in yourself.  Make room for more...

LoveRules #9 - Love, Self-Defined. Part 2

LoveRules #9 is all about defining the love you seek. Today, we are continuing from Part 1. The love you want cannot be what others want.  It might have some things that are similar to others but YOUR love must be self-defined.  And if you have ever held any doubts that what you are looking for truly exists, then read on. The internet is an amazing tool.  As most of you might have long noticed, you can find just about any and everything online.  Discussions, answers, people, services, products. What is a turn-on for women, or men?  Why is the sky blue?  Where can I find a notary public? Have you ever heard of a green rabbit?  Where can I find a last-minute costume for a Halloween party?

So much information is on the internet already; and if it's not there yet, it will be posted up there very soon.  All of our current conditions and concerns get shared directly online now. But know this. While it helps us to be in touch with more people faster, the internet is not really connecting us. Rather, it is showing us we were connected all along.  I like to record instances that demonstrate how life is interconnected, that people are interconnected.  I like notating personal examples where life moved as I needed it to move, presented me with the solutions I was looking for.  I see that life is ordered.  Recording these things from day-to-day helps me not lose sight that anything is possible.  So here, like in Part One, I have another example illustrating how what we think or imagine about love's possibilities can be more than idle daydreaming or fantasy. It can be real.  Don't give up on the love you want for yourself.

Back to the internet.  Recently, I happened upon an interesting write-up by Robin Shamburg on Truthdig. She was reviewing a book about human desire and sexuality called "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam.  The book shares observations of data gathered from what people search for on the internet.  [Those who read my post "Was It Good For You?" should at least check out the article, if not the book.] But here was Robin's closing paragraph:

"Ultimately, Ogas and Gaddam’s ambitious and thought-provoking book delivers a message of hope. If there’s one thing their exhaustive research reveals, it is this: No matter who you are, slender or obese, young or old, there is a group of people out there who will find you attractive. All you have to do is go online. And for a person who is looking for instant gratification—no matter how exotic or debased—the news is just as good. For this, the authors cite what has become known as Internet Rule No. 34: If you can imagine it, it exists as Internet porn."

Looks like someone else is outlining some rules, too! But you get my point.  And shit, if it's online, it can also be found in real life, right?!  And obviously it doesn't have to be porn.

Are you going to wait around for the computer to show you everything about your own life?  Keep believing. Keep knowing.  If you can define it, you can find it.  Define the love you want!  Put some energy into it!  I have some more tips coming in the part 3 of LoveRules #9.

Make room for more.