Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Rule #1 - Love Yourself

So, now we've met, and I've introduced myself a little.  Let's get into the LoveRules. Rule #1 - Love Yourself One day I was talking with my friend Kristin, a young woman who, at the time, was dating, alternating between two guys.  She couldn't decide which guy she really wanted to spend more time with.

"Okay, which rule applies to me, Charles?" We had a nice little conversation which led me to a realization.  She hadn't healed from her last break-up.

"Ohhh, now I see. You have to start with Rule #1" I said. "I'm not on level one!" she retorted. "I am no beginner!"

Silence. Then we laughed. As we laughed I explained LoveRules are not really hard fast rules, nor are they levels.  They are more like principles and phases.  They are meant to give guidance as we look inward for our truth, our answers.  They are non-linear.  In fact, we can be experiencing multiple LoveRules/phases at any given moment; and where we are today might shift tomorrow based on our experiences and practices.

The best part about Rule #1 (phase 1) is that we need to come back to spruce it up more than once in our lives. We should practice going over it often.  Bad break-up? Criticism at work? Fell short of a personal goal? Not finding any dates as of late? Not in your ideal career? Feeling lonely? LoveRules #1 - Love yourself.

No matter who you are, if you're feeling like "less," but would like "more," I recommend taking a moment to create a personal conversation practicing some of the following or something similar:

* Love Yourself.  Truly, fully. Seek love in your reflection. Love is looking back at you.  Don’t expect to only find love in something that you are not, or only from others.

* Learn to love and accept how you are designed, your strengths and your flaws. You are a unique tapestry, absolutely one-of-a-kind. You are not mass-produced. Understand that people invest much into a one-of-a-kind item. Not everybody, but the right people do, the people who are meant for you.

* Love and praise your skin, your eyes, your hair, your legs, arms, neck, head, face, ears, nose, hands, feet, your back, your tummy, your chest or breasts, your butt, your personal and private places. Be grateful. Love your culture, your lineage, your origins. Then make room for more. You will grow. Be deeper. Love your smile, your odd expressions, your laugh, the way you run and walk, the way you play or do your work. Make room. Go deeper. Love your mind, your heart, your concern, your thought process, your inner strength, your cares, compassion, your courage.

* Love your areas for improvement, but more importantly, love what you have. Some of these areas of improvement can be worked on to suit your liking over time. You can work on the way you walk and the way you speak, if it makes you feel better. But first love and accept what you have. While it's important to look and feel good, try not to recreate the whole creation. It is very good as it is. Take stock and be grateful.

* Realize that while you are these wonderful qualities, you are not these qualities. You are more.  You are not limited to these.  Who you are fundamentally in your "soul," your heart, is boundless, immeasurable. Make room for change. Grow.

Loving yourself in the way I'm describing is not meant to be vain.  It does not include being the person that narcissistically worships her/himself at the expense of others, but rather being the quality of person that loves him/herself in spite of others. Always Love Yourself - to inspire those that don't love themselves enough, and in spite of those who don't show you enough.

Learn to know your worth, stand up strong. Make no apologies for who you are. Don't compromise what you want, but make sure what you want is something worthwhile. Love yourself.

Hit me back: How do you practice showing yourself love?