Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Part 3. LoveRules #9 - Be careful what you define, you will get it!

I feel like sharing music today to paint a picture.  Thinking of Lauren (my wife) helped me select a couple of songs.  When defining the picture of what your love looks like, do not try to focus on the idea of "perfection."  After all, if you were to find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, they would turn you down.  Point being, no one is perfect in the absolute sense.  It's more about being aware of who is perfect for you, a good fit, a complement.  In fact, rather than defining what your loving relationship looks like, visualize how it behaves.  That's the real deal.  Real substance. Raheem DeVaughn – You

Whenever I see people in the early stages of love, I notice they begin to have some concerns. Now feeling happy, confident, and good about themselves they start to run into other individuals they find attractive. They start attracting other people.  Then they start flipping out.  "OMG, what if that other person is an even BETTER match for me?"  Really? You just found someone good and that's where you're going with it?  Looking for someone else already? Please understand, you can be attracted to that which is attractive - a good sense of humor in another, keen intelligence, athleticism, a sharp wit, a kind personality, dashing good looks, or a generous heart. But just because another person has attractive qualities doesn't mean they are going to be a better fit.  These qualities in and of themselves do not necessarily create a natural or easy chemistry or love. Someone who makes you fall over from laughter might not make you laugh in the innocent and light-hearted way you enjoy most.  Relax with who you have.  A few attractive qualities alone won't pull you away from your love.

B.o.B – Nothin' On You [feat. Bruno Mars]

There are multiple love possibilities. You are not limited to once in a lifetime love, although love is a "once in a lifetime" kind of feeling. Love becomes normalized and feels like easy joy with normal daily challenges. Don't worry.  You will know love when it comes. Be ready for it.  More so, be ready to not betray what you have asked for, prayed for, and worked on yourself for, by longing for something else at the first sign of a challenge.

Be careful what you wish for, you will get it.  Better yet, be the kind of person you wish for.

To be continued...