Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Part 3 again. LoveRules #9 - Love, Self-Defined

Continuing with "Love, Self Defined"... If you have ever played sports, you know that you cannot play the other team's game. They play to their strengths.  Each of us must learn to understand and use ours.  This means we have to define our own visions of love.  Define the relationship of your dreams, your vision, with real qualities, characteristics of substance. You should hold these qualities firmly in mind, able to call them out, if asked.  In that way, you can say you know what you want. I recommend they are not material or superficial, if you can help it. Once you know these qualities, leave them in the back of your mind. Don't go calling them out, showing off in front of your friends.  That's tacky.  And don't go referring to the mental shopping wish-list to compare each person you meet on each date.  Chill.  I repeat, do not go searching and hunting for the person with these characteristics. Simply ask the universe, or God (your choice) and keep your eyes open. To hunt is to repel, to scare away. But to ask is really to acknowledge, to know this desire is a real possibility, and to attract it. Be ready to respond quickly when you see a person demonstrate the qualities you desire.

Really.  Be yourself, but be cool. Don't rush the heat. I know that is a challenge for most of us.  Do your best.  I don't mean "play cool," I mean stay cool.  As you get to know this person that meets your needs, just be there for them, be present. Don't let them feel that you are hard-pressed to get in their life.  You've never seen a fisherman dive in the water to grab the fish have you? It's not often successful.  To be rushed and in a hurry is to repel. Let the connection happen naturally. Enjoy the dance. You know, entice and withdraw... entice, and withdraw.  But continue to move forward. When dealing with that person, be honest. Be honest in all your dealings with anybody. Period. Always. But especially with this possible love match because you might be tempted to act a little more than your natural self, just to please that person.  Chill. Be yourself, let people see you for who you truly are. That is to be genuine and whole.  That is what attracts.  And as you get to know this person, if they ever ask anything of you, still be honest. Don't go overboard trying to please.  If they ever ask you for input about themselves, tell them truthfully.  Don't be brutal. Don't be hurtful. But be plain. True love can handle the truth, even if it does hurt a little.  Support them.  They have challenges too.

Did you see that?  I know, that was fast.  I just took you from first encounter to the first month of relationship in like 30 seconds.  Trust me, these connections happen quickly. And LoveRules is like a pocket guide-book to help you quickly in a pinch.

To be continued...