Charles DeVeaux

Social Theorist | Cultural Creative

Writing, producing, and facilitating works & conversations about love, modernity, and humanity.

Loving Who You Have... even if it's just you for now

Have you ever been angry with your girlfriend or boyfriend, spouse, lover?  Or even yourself?  Have you ever arrived home after work feeling frustrated or ticked off?  Have you ever been dissatisfied with your partner, or dissatisfied with yourself, and just sat around with a gloomy cloud over your head.  Maybe you argued, (criticized yourself) maybe you didn't, but you can feel the slight tension between the two of you.  Be sure to talk it out easily, acknowledging each other's perspectives and feelings. Agree to not get impatient, or angry even further.  Agree to walk it through, giving it the time and energy it needs, like stretching a sore muscle that hasn't been worked out in a while. You know, our bodies have a lot of muscles, and some of them might have become weak muscles, atrophied from lack of frequent use.  Chances are the areas of concern that have made you feel 'tight' at home are not new but are muscles that have frequently gone unused, areas not fully addressed.  I know these areas and muscles well because I forget to use them from time to time.  There's the "Thank you" muscle, the "I love you" muscle, and of course the many physical loving muscles. ;o)

Reinvigorate the forgiveness muscle as often as you can, the "I made a mistake" muscle, the "I'm sorry" muscle. The "I didn't know how you felt" muscle is a real tiny one tucked behind the ego. The "let's try again" muscle is located nearby.  Then there's the patience muscle.  That one you'll recognize from the pain in your ass.  The understanding muscle is easily often under utilized, mostly because you have to physically walk behind your partner, give them a hug from behind fixing your eyes to look in the same direction they are looking.  The goal is to imagine seeing life through their eyes.  Good muscles to keep flexing are the "I believe in you" muscle, the "you can do it" muscle. The "it's okay" muscle. Another real good one is the "I'm glad to know you" muscle.  That one is usually in need of a good stretching.

It's amazing how many muscles we forget we have especially, over time, when we seem to get by in exercising far less than when the relationship was new, and working out seemed easier.  After you have exercised these muscles a bit, remember to give them time to recover, at which point proper nutrition and massage is okay too.  Massage doesn't have to be as tedious or as vigorous as you think, especially when you are tired.  In fact, your partner doesn't even have to know.  Two of the strongest tools for massage are our lips.  And the nutrition is provided by kind uplifting words which can be mouthed with a whisper.

When they are asleep [hopefully you went to bed on good terms, but even if you haven't] lean over and kiss them with gratitude.  Kiss them with thanks, that they have changed your life, even when you didn't notice.  With gratitude that they have helped you grow, made it through a tough time in your life, another full year, have believed in you, shown you good times, laughter, and happiness.  Kiss them for having picked you up when you felt down.  Kiss them for being who they are, for working hard.  For being a friend.  Kiss their shoulders or head, back, neck, or arms.  Now if you are your own partner for now, take it easy with kissing yourself.  You don't want to pull a muscle kissing those hard to reach places.  ;)

But massage kiss your partner.  Don't wake them up.  They don't need to know you gave them this thankful massage... this thankful message.  They will feel it.  More importantly, you will know you.  If they were angry, their heart will soon soften; and a softening heart aids in limbering up the muscles very well.  If they happen to notice the kisses, and say nothing, they will swell with appreciation.  And if they do turn over and wake up, who knows?  There might be more love to share...  Make room for more.  Happy New Year every one!